I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
