This is not my ceiling
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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