I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
