i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
they call him Oral-B. enough said
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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