You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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