She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
