She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
