So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
