I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
