Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
