You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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