Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
