i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
