So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
