You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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