He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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