i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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