Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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