I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
