Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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