If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
