Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
