Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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