Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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