I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize