2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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