Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
