he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize