There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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