Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
