Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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