i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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