Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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