OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Randomize
