i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
