you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize