he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
