Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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