That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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