maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
