kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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