He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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