somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
