...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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