I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
