It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
