I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she peed on how many people?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
