Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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