my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
