I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
