Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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