please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
