he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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