it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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