Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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