Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
