Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
