i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize