why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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