like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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