Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Drake has all the answers
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
