Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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