I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
