my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
