i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
