Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize