People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
